No relationship have any definitive ending. It's just as unpredictable as life can be; one night you might think you'll live happily ever after with the person who has your heart, but the next could change entirely. And the only thing you can do is wish that you could've turned time and (try to) swim upwards into the reaching hands of people around you.
Source: Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019)
Piercing Nights
Aisha Haida Asyri, Televisi dan Film 2021
Winter nights roll around the corner as the nights stretch to become longer each day. Darkness slowly takes its place before the sunny chill of Spring takes the seat. I held onto you each night. The surging coolness of the air as temperature dwindles each hour making me shiver; each step and movement I do compels me into hiding my body beneath mountains of blankets. To then I remind myself I had you to grab and to hold as we hold into each other’s arms.
You held me as you whispered sweet nothings against my temple—at times telling how much you “love” me until I drift off to sleep. Never did you fall asleep before I did, holding off your exhaustion to wait until I’m unconscious. Whenever I asked you about it, you told me you’ll never stop looking after me first before you take care of yourself; placing me above everything.
One night, you told me you were going out and about, to refresh your mind you said. You never told me where, with who, regardless of the times I’d tried to coax it out of you. It became a frequent occurrence; you telling me how you needed to go someplace somewhere with no explanation, to then come back home with no regards to my turmoil.
You then told me you were annoyed by my aloud confusion on the shift of our tone. The sweet nothings are truly empty in meaning when I saw how appalled you were to hear how you were before you became someone I didn’t know of. The kitchen we spent mornings with together, that have seen the amount of spilled liquid onto the floor, that have seen us dance to a song you said was ours, also saw the cracks on my voice as tears start to waterfall from my eyes, also saw the strain in your voice pointing out the flaws of us.
Mayhap forever was nothing but a mere dream. A notion I hide behind from reality I run away from as you said that night. Slow, yet sure, that’s how you were. I cared little of you even when you walked out of the door with your suitcase.
That night felt chillier than other nights. I was alone without anyone to hold on to. I could only bury myself deep under my blanket as I sought warmth. Perhaps empty promises weren’t better than to be alone, albeit I felt the night warming up as hours passed. Perhaps the night sky felt sorry for me by offering me consolation in the form of warmth; a form of relief and reassurance I would be fine regardless as I have other people that immensely care about me.
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